Im a motherfucking P - I - M - P

THANKS A MILLION

2005-06-12T18:43:18Z

Thank you to everyone who came yesterday I hope u all had as much fun as I did. We were all nervous in the beginning thinking we werent ready and with the rain factor but I and I'm sure i can speak for everyone in The Sound of Speechless Disaster that we had a blast thank u all for ur support and for coming.. were hoping to have another show coming up by the middle/end of july. Sry we couldnt play longer we dont know that much stuff yet but hopefully we should be good by our next show and we'll have merch soooo.. hope to see you all there and thanks again for coming out and supportin us it means alot

LOVE JUSTIN
and the Sound Of Speechless Disaster

Comment and leave ur thoughts about our show

ALRIGHT U MOTHERFUCKERS

2005-06-08T03:16:18Z

Everyone who reads this my band The Sound Of Speechless Disaster is playing our first show SATURDAY JUNE 11th with The Heretix and Happily Sedated the cost is 2 dollars at will be held at

2115 Vancourtland
Troy Mi 48083

at 6pm use map quest to find it bitches www.mapquest.com if u were wondering

COMMENT IF UR GOING I WANNA SEE EVERYONE OF U THERE

love justin

Rest in Peace girl ur death is such a shame

2005-04-25T03:01:17Z

Today was uper long and uper boring... i got up around like 10ish and went and ran about a half mile.. cuz i'm getting fat and yeah... sooooo anyways.. after that i came home and typed the rest of my government paper and started on my english i finished about half of it.. then my sister was being a little slut and i got in a fight with her cuz she keeps fucking taking my cds and shit and i never know where they are... so after that i took a shower.. and went to work.. work was boring as shit and i felt like a girl cuz i was so bored i started reading those magazines about nick and jessica and how there gonna break up soon and all about hott new summer trends... sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo after all that i got off at 9:30 and found out that I was 40 dollars off on my till my manager didnt care thou he was all like fucking arabs sweating all over the 20's making em stick together.. it was so funny anyway now i'm home and i get to see kim tommorow and i'm really looking forward to that and tuesday i Leave for new york bitches i'm so excited.... AND ME AND SAM made up today and Kristene and kim dont u dare say a effing word lol anyways... its all good i'm tired soooo i'm off to bed
Love justin

So heres to you Mrs. Robinson Jesus loves u more than u will know whoa whoa whoa

2005-04-24T06:02:52Z

YES SIR as i promised another boring ass enrty about my non-existant life. Yea so today i got up around like 10ish and I was starved so I had like 127309821739871203892 bazzillion waffels and took a shower then I had work at 11. It was crazy cuz the drive over there the weather was so bad i could only do like 45 on the effing freeway anyway it got even craziert when i got there there cuz there like a huge rush and my line for checkout was like all the way down aisle 4 and my dumb ass mangers scheduled like 2 bagers so I had to bag all the groceries on top of ringing everything up and it was taking an uper long time to do and all the old ass grandmas were getting bitchy and then to make everything even more dandy my fucking system goes offline and i cant accept credit or debit cards an all these bitchs start yelling at me in like fucking sand lanuage i'm like whoa buddy..... so then after all that i went on break only to find i left my effing lights on and my battery was dead but luckly Lon was there and he gave me jump soooo after that i came home and kim came over and we chilled in my living room watching a movie and we were playing this game where one of us would try to turn the other on and whoever could go the longest with out touching eachother won.. it was quite fun and it got pretty erotic, effing ice and syrup involved, and my mom let her stay till like 1:00 so then yeah i took her home and now i just finished up my gov paper now i only have like 4 assingnments for spanish and Fletchers gay ass essay to do and i'm all set to have a blast in new york i'm leaving on tuesday niggas anyway i'm uper tired and i have to effing work tommorow so i'm out u all have a good day
love justin

REBELS ARE WE !!! NO BALL NO CHAIN OR PRISON SHALL KEEP WERE REBLES OF THE SACRED HEART

2005-04-23T03:00:27Z

Yea sooooooo let me see the last 6 months of my life have beeennnnn so incredibley boring lets see the few things worth noting areeee

1. Got a new job at oakridge
2. Went to see atreyu finally at the thick as thieves tour
3. Got my hair cut short in the back..... long in the front usually styled like a fohawk/mowhawk type deal yo but its in the back 2 idk
4. Me and Nick dont talk anymore because of Sam which is really really sad but w/e people change i guess
5. Started a new band
6. Finally hung out with Steve

and thats really about it as u can see i have nooooooooooo life at all outside of working and hanging out with kim......... but yeah i'm gonna try to start updating day today again sooooo i'm out for now love all

Your so last summer

2004-11-06T16:12:37Z

OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK back to the update where do I start where do I start... havent updated in like 75 million years. Ok so yeah things have been kinda weird latley my feelings have been going up and down like they change almost everyday like I'm super happy one day, then just totally fucked up the next... Its also really werid because I'm drifting away from alot of my good friends and I dont even really care.. I'm finding it alot easier to say fuck you to the people that I cared about and not want to go apologise five minutes later its really kind of good I like it... Yep I still work at food fucking basics I'm acutally about to get a second job I go in on monday for my training or whatever mmhmm. I'll have like no free time but I'll have a shit load of money... So summer has officially gone and I know this because I havent been drunk since fucking warped tour.. which is really pathetic I know but o well.. Me and Kim what can I say about that all in all shes the most wonderful person ever our realtionship is sort of like mine and melanies was because I'm a jack ass and have those days were I get all moody and am a realy jerk to her.. but she doesnt even seem to mind and I love her for that..

Also I finally have a really sweet fucking band.. Its me guitar, Josh Duranie on guitar, Kevin on drums and nick partello singing and were not to sure on a permant bassist were still in the process but I'm pretty sure its gonna be my friend from warren woods tower Brittany so yeah were all good.. We got about 4 original songs down and we sound pretty sweet playing together and Nicks got a mike with an amp and everything and hes a pretty decent singer.. were gonna make our t-shits soon kevins mom finally got the iron so we can Iron the logo josh desinged on shirts and clothes and such then its gonna be fucking sweet as hell...

So yes other sweet things to talk about last night i went to the punks unite tour, with, Monster Squad, Brother in arms, The Lower Class Brats, and The Casualties, with Josh Smith, Kevin, Big R, Liz, Sam Schoenrock, Nick, Mike, Danya, Brittany and Amanda, and it was the time of my life I had more fun there then at warped tour I moshed up the place fucking stage diving and shit it was so fucking great by the time i walked out of there I could barley stand up, I was swaying all over like I was fucking drunk but it was the best fucking night I've had in a long ass time... I'm thinking I"m gonna try to get main floor tickets to see, The 89X christmas show with Good Charollette, Frans Ferdinance, Jimmy Eat World, The Used and Taking Back Sunday that sounds like it should be a pretty sweet show... but yeah it would be sweeeeeet..

On a sad note some things that have been bothering me.. Some of my life long best friends are really starting to piss me off for reason quite unknown to me.. its really sad, Like stacie bowden for example. She is like my best friend after all we've been through together and now everytime I see her she just pisses me off so much, the way she walks what she does her attitude everything, I dont even know why I think its her whole bad assy attidude but even that I dont know why Its getting to me so much, its never bothered me before but now I swear to God I just wanna blast her right in the fucking mouth but o well Its just something I'll have to deal with and I'm gonna have to, because shes is one of my best friends and I sure as hell aint gonna lose her..... aaaahhhhh well i'm out gotta get ready for work

COMMENT YOU GOD DAMNED FUCKING NIGGERS

Holding on to feel the same

2004-09-27T19:33:34Z

Yeah its been awhile...... mm things have been ok I guess I stopped going to counceling idk it was really bothering me I went to like 4 of the sessions then I stopped like idk at first i thought it was really really really great... but then It just like got to me I mean I'm sitting here dumping my problems on someone who doesnt even know me I mean I have a hard time telling the people closest to me whats up let alone some total stranger who's only doing because i'm paying her 30 bucks a hour but thats ok... cuz i aint doing that shit no more.... Yeah I was doing really good on keeping clean like I havent smoked cigs in almost 6 months I was doing good on the other stuff to until the night of the homecoming game then Dan, Stacie's new boyfriend shows up with some stuff and that day had been really shitty and my mom was getting to me and my job and everything just played against my ability to resist... but o well I dont think I regret it either I felt great the rest of that night..

mmhmmm so yeah I've got this awesome new girlfriend her name is Kim Kennedy and she goes to Kimball, shes really .... I dont even know how to describe her she just is shes always there for me and she always knows the right thing to say ..... but you all know me I'm a dip shit and put her through hell all the time but shes so great she doesnt even mind my stupidity. I'm really trying I swear I am anyway I love her and I hope she knows it... I dont really know how else to explain her shes like deeper even than melanie and shes got this crazy sence of understanding that she tries to hide all the time but I know...... she intimidates me I guess its spending so much time under the bright lights of royal oak but shes hardened and street smart and she understand God knows she understands.... I love her ... I swear I do

Upcoming awesome things to look forward to.......... October 21st I'm going to the Nintendo Fusion tour feat.. Lost Prohpets, Story of the Year, My Chemical Romance and The Killers .......... Nov. 7 I'm going to see Taking Back Sunday, Atreyu, and someone else i forgot........ I was gonna go see Sugarcult Greenday and Newfound Glory but idk i really dont feel like intruding on people but you know how that goes and it goes and goes.... but o well idk

Another thing me and steve havent talked in like forever I havent even talked to him since warped tour i dont know why same thing with me and ben ever since we went camping he gives me this werid feeling when i'm around him he just fucks with my head i dont know why he just does...... o well everyones distant and i'm diffrent but thats ok...... the beat goes on and on and on anyway i'm out cuz i'm bout to go to work

COMMMENT YO'S

I'm jaded now...... whatever that means

2004-08-18T05:55:12Z

What the hell happened. This summer has been out of control. For so long I thought I had control of everything in my life and I didnt have anything to worry about..... wow was I fucking wrong. I'm really scared about everything now my habits have gone just a tad bit overboard and there really starting to scare me. I started seening a councelor about it yesterday, and I really like her, her name is Mrs. Centaruse and shes a very smart lady. Today I also went to a AA meeting and just listening to peoples storys were just the most scary thing I've ever heard, but they were really nice and very supportive of me. My parents are still fighting like bitches I think its gonna end soon I dont know who I'll end up going with but I'm sure in the end it will all work out. I really wish that I could see Mrs. Centaruse everyday but mom says that we cant afford that right now.

Latley idk how I feel, I kinda just feel empty you know like almost non-existant, I work, go to the bank, sometimes stop and get a coffee, then I go to the warren rec-center everyday and swim a few laps in there awesome pool, It really helps calm my nerves down its almost like smoking its really great and Mrs. Centaruse says that its a great and healthy stress reliever. I've aslo been drinking an unusually large amount of water latley I dont know why but for some reason I just cant stop drinking it, Mrs. Centaruse says thats great for you as well anyway I dont know I'm really trying hard to clean up my life and I'm excited for the school year to start because I really wanna change this year alot. I am definalty dropping all my habits and i'm gonna stick with it this time and I think i'm gonna start going to counceling regularly soon I just gotta talk to my mom about it hopefully shes gonna let me anyway I'm tired so i'm going to sleep leave me some comments

My Song To Everyone

2004-07-14T03:05:56Z

My song to everyone

We've all seen the man at the liquor store begging for your change, The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange, He asks a man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes, "Get a job, you fucking slob" is all he replies
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues. Yeah, then you really might know what it's like
Robyn got pregnant from a kid named Mike who said he was in love He said "Don't worry 'bout a thing, Baby Doll, I'm the man you've been dreaming of" But three months later he say he won't date her or return her calls And she swears, "God damn, if I find that man, I'm cuttin' off his balls"
And she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the door They call her a sinner and they call her a killer and they call her a whore but God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes 'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked the baddest dimes
'least a couple of times
'fore I broke they heart
You know where it ends, yo
It usually depends on where you start
I knew this kid named Steve, he used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs He liked to hang out late, he liked to get shit faced and keep pace with thugs 'Till late one night there was a big gun fight and Steve lost his head Pulled out his chrome .45, talked some shit, and wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain You know it crumbles that way, at least that's what they say when you play the game But God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news 'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose

Yeah, then you really might know what it's like
To have to lose...

Comment leave your thoughts...... please

Everclear- what its like

"I'll call him a poser and shake my weiner at him"

2004-07-10T04:39:39Z

Well this summer is going just how I thought it would, fasted paced and hardcore. I'm feeling alot better about alot of things 4th of July was exactly what I needed. My work is alot of fun I've made alot of new friends, and I'm making alot of money to do stuff. My mom is also giving me alot more freedom latley even thought she busted me smoking, which idk she was really cool about. I really do want to quit smoking I'm gonna try soon. Anyway I've got alot of fun stuff to look forward to for the rest of this summer and I'm really excited. Jordan invited me to go up north with him to the battle of the bands, war on the shore next weekend which I cant wait for cuz its gonna be a blast, then Marching band camp is coming up pretty soon July 29 and thats two weeks long. Then Scout camp is the week after that which is gonna be pretty fun it always is. Then me, Steve and Amanda all planed to go to Cedar Point for like 2 days and get a camp site just the three of us. Hang out and get drunk which I'm looking forward to alot cuz its been awhile for me. Then me, Derek, Jordan, Ken and Mike were all planning on going one weekend up to Houghton Lake, and getting a campsite because theres a place up there called bunkers and banners paintball thats really sweet and just hang out and play paintball all weekend. Then this is the best of all, Me, Steve, Ben, and Jordan got tickets to the Vans Warped Tour on August 15 which I'm totally fucking pumped for I cant wait its gonna be so sweet there. There are so many sweet ass bands that are gonna be there. Yellowcard, Sugarcult, Rufio, Good Charlotte, Story of the Year, Taking Back Sunday, From Autumn to Ashes, Avenged Sevenfold, Anti-Flag, Flogging Molly, and The Casualties, theres gonna be a total of 52 bands there this year but those are the ones that I'm really excited to see, I'm gonna have a blast there I cant wait. Then to finish out my last strech of summer Me and Steve are going on vacation to flordia for 2 weeks with my family which is gonna be a total blast Me and Steve have never been to florida so its a whole new state to take over, fun fun.

Lately I've just been hanging out here and going to work, making money and going to parties. My friend Mike Bartle from work always knows about parties so we always go on our days off and stuff just basicly chilling. I've also been hanging out with Ben Wislon and Jordan alot when I'm not working, jamming and what not were gonna try to get a band going pretty soon which will be really cool because I've wanted a new band ever since me Matt and Dave broke up. I'm going to get a Bass pretty soon so thats a pluse

So my summer is going pretty good and its shaping up to be crazy and fun filled and I have lots and lots of cash to fund it all so I'm really really excited I'll have tons of funny stories for when I go back to school
anyway i'm bout to go to sleep so night

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DONT COMMENT

Fuck Summer

2004-06-20T14:47:04Z

Well I again reached that time in the cycle in my life where I hit abosoulte rock bottom. Everything suddenly collapsed all around me even more that it was before. Steve my cousin my partner, he OD'd on sleeping pill at his baseball game on thursday because he thought they were energy pills. Now is in the hospital in Brighton and the only thing the doctors can do for him is put him under observation because the pills had already disolved into his system. It is now Sunday and that happened on thursday and he's still unconcious. I must say that this whole thing is not looking to good the chances of him pulling through slip lower and lower with each passing day. To make matters worse even if he does survive this he gets shipped off to juvy for 8 MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS because this is the second time hes violated his probation, thats this whole summer plus some of next year. I honestly dont know what I am going to do with myself if Steve dies he means everything to me.

The Melanie situation well lets just say its no better. I know that when she leaves for Caseville that all my chances if there even were any are gonna be gone. I've decided to try and no think about her and leave her alone with all my calling her and what not because I know deep down that as much as she says she doesnt mind that really she wants me to leave her alone. I hurts so bad because I know I did this. It always happens this way my life is just a cycle.... I'm happy for 1 or 2 months then something happens and It starts going downhill for maybe a month then I hit abosoulte rock bottom for maybe a week or two the it starts to pick back up and rise again. I'm still so in love with Melanie though and everytime I think about it, it just breaks me to know that I had her and I took advantage of it and now its gone. I really dont know what I can do. I wanna call her just to hear her voice but I promised her I wouldnt...... I promised..

I really dont understand whats going on right in my life right now, I mean I do but like I dont understand what really going on I mean I'm only like 2 weeks into summer and I'm already tired of it. Its like all my philosophys, all my beliefs on what summer was supposed to be and what fun was and the feeling you get when your far away from everything and everyone that sence of freedom and that feeling on know that right now is all that matters, and never wanting to grow up, its all just meaningless, and all I get now is just this huge wave of meloncohly just flooding over me......... i really dont know what else to say. So instead of doing all these things this summer know that all there gonna do is wear me down, I just put in more hours at my job... this week I've got 35 hours only 5 more and I could be full time. But when I stop and think about that its going against everything I promised myself that i wouldnt become because summer is know as a time of freedom and fun, and by working so much I'm locking myself away inside a structure of busniess and work for the entire summer. I guess it does have its goods and bads good is I'll be sheilded from all the bullshit floating around outside my work all those false philosophys and I'll be making money for it, bads is i'm forcing myself to grow up early which is never good. And all that i'm doing is blocking out all the problems and letting them die inside my head and my heart all my feelings all my beliefs all my unfocused energy and passion that a teenagers has is all being drained from me everytime I step through those doors and punch in and by next year I'll be a wreak of my former self looking back on this wasted summer and wonder WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT and realize its to late to go back, realize that I lost the nerve lost the girl and lost my youth....... and once that happens every part of me will have died and all I will be will be one of the mindless drones that the government so brutally tries to create..

I'll always remember you on cool summer nights..................

2004-06-06T04:27:18Z

Well ok I lied I really dont give a shit what happens to me this summer. Me and Steve layed down the master plan, and it is outta control off the shizzy dizzy. Arite heres the plan for the summer. I'm gonna change my schedule at my job right now so that I can work the morning shift which is 9am-2pm On monday, tuesday and wednesday and I'm gettin a job a taco bell this summer to and I'll work the night shift there on the same days which is 5pm-12am so then on friday i'll have 9182730912309847109283 million dollars to spend. Steve is doing the same thing with his golf course and ice cream place job hes gettin the same days so then we can hang out and wreak our havoc on the world on thursay, friday, saturday and sunday. HAHAHAH WERE TAKING OVER THIS WORLD. 4th of July is gonna be so fucking awesome its sweet cuz Steve doesnt get another drug test until august so we can do whatever the fuck we want plus when I was up there 2 weekends ago me and my dad went into this liquor store to get my grandma some milk and I saw our favorite kind of liquor there its called malt bannana carribiean rum its so fucking good and they dont sell it any other places that we've tried to get it and its like within walking distance of my grandmas house.

Plus I've got a car now...... please pay extreme notice to any stray flying paintballs or other strange projectiles that come flying out of my vehicle window at you at high speeds because it is merley a demonstration of the utter nesssity of saftey goggles and a helmet when ever you see a red chevy 1500 pick up truck driving around in yoru neighboor hood.

Other items on my mind........ Melanie......... I love her with all my heart and I'll always be waiting for the chance to get back together with her, but that dont mean I cant have a good time while I wait righhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttt yeahhhhhhh your dammmmmnn righttttttt nigggggggaaaaaaaaa

GOALS THIS SUMMER
1. Make and eat 3 large shroom Pizza's
2. Drink 200 colt 45s over the course of the summer
3. Grow a marijuana garden
4. Stay conscious through 7 shots of Tequila
5. Meet, get there number, then fuck 25 girls over the course of the summer
6. Eat 15 burrito supremes in one visit to taco bell
7. Get my dick sucked on the boardwalk of Port Sanilac
8. Eat a Girl out underwater
9. Roll and smoke a blunt that is at least 3 inches around and contains a least 5 grams of weed in it
10. Mount a potato gun in the back of my truck and drive around launching water melons at people walking down the street

This list will be added to at a later dat,e and I will update as I complete these things this summer is gonna be a fucking blastttttttt

WERE TAKING OVER THIS TOWN!!!'

I have the tendancy of gettin very physical so you all better watch your step cuz if I do you'll need a miracle

Does it kill, Does it burn, is it painful to learn that its ME who has all the control

2004-05-26T03:09:08Z

Yep life is on one of those plateaus where you really dont give 2 shits about anything anymore. Me and Melanie crashed and burned just like I knew we would. It's so scary to me because I'm reverting right back to the person I've tried for 1 and 1/2 years to change from, but oh well things happen I guess. I was so close to, I swear on my life that I'll never fall in love again. I've discovered the true meaning of Love is just a word that ignorant naive people use to make themselves belive that they are something special to eachother anyway I'd like to get off that subject. I got my licence's now and I drive a ugly ass red chevy pick up truck. I've got a new girlfriend if thats what I should call her, her name is Malia and she goes to hazel park, she's really hott. I dont know though I think my feelings for her are half sexual attraction and half me trying to get over Melanie, but oh well me and Melanie started out that way when I was trying to get over Stacie and I ended up falling head over heels in love with her. Who knows what can happen in the future

My job takes up most of my free time theses days. Thank God I dont think I'd be to healthy right now if I sat around all day with this shit on my mind. I like my job, I really do, It keeps my mind off everything. There's so much bullshit floating around I'm really sick of it idk anymore I just need a drink I think. I'm so diffrent and its terrible that I'm the old me but I dont know I guess its all just closing now and thats it. I dont know guys its looking pretty bad right about now I dont know if I'm gonna make it through this summer. This years over now the trial is over and we surived now its time for the really tough one. Summer is when all things are wrapped up and they all come to a close. The point of no return is coming up real quick and its scaring because I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when that time comes. Oh well I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Summer I keep talking about Summer its so terrible I hate Summer so much because all it means for me is Drinking and smoking everynight, messing around with girls I barley even fucking know. I really hoped that me and Melanie would last through the summer so I wouldnt have to deal with the terrible feeling of waking up with a splitting head ache half naked next to a girl that my heart is empty for. This is the end guys its really then end I can feel it now its just way to much I don't exactly know what I'm gonna do, or when I'm gonna do it but when the time comes when I do have to leave in one way or another, I hope that I'm not to quick forgotten by my friends cuz I know I wouldnt forget you guys anyway I dont know anymore I really dont but anyway i'm gonna go so bye

carpediem_321 @ 2004-05-08T23:18:00

2004-05-09T03:09:38Z

I've gotta say this is close to being the most fucked up I've ever been and it was going so good, well this is it I guess I'm in my final stage of growing up.

Having vivid dreams of yesterday always lead to the death of today

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

Lets get back to the disaster

2004-04-20T19:11:23Z

Well break was ok I guess did some shit that I wish I wouldnt have and got myself back into some of my old bad habits but oh well its all good I guess. I really dont know anymore about me and Melanie it was fun while it lasted I guess, but I guess all good things have to come to an end sometime, and I think our time is coming up real soon. Oh well I got alot on my back and I dont think I can handle a relationship much longer.

Well were on the final strech before the summer and life is good I kinda hope me and Mel do work this out cuz I really do feel for her alot but if we dont I dont think it would mean the end of everything.

Anyway about to go to guitar lessons now and then I'm doing whatever

By the way I finally got min on my cell phone so yeah from now on if you need me call my cell first
(586)489-3441

CRAAAAAAAAZZZZZZYYYYYYY

2004-04-08T19:18:13Z

Yep havent updated in a while. Jobs going great met some really sweet people there. Like Mark that guys so awesome, and funny as hell me and him always have the best time unloading trucks, lmfao all crusing around on the electric pallet lifter Mark all I repeat NEVER EVER RIDE THIS THING as he all crashes into the side of the truck, pallets and milk crates flying everywhere lmfao and Lewis all gettin the carts and fighting off senior citzens and punk ass arab kin for our share of the quaters lmfao awesome awesome times and Dwayne lmfao all stacking those boxes and all the cups fall all over the place lmfao fuckin old lady all yelling at us for being out of bounty toliet paper the bitch was all like "you have it on sale and I really really need it" THAT SUCKS
and of course wherever you go your gonna meet the hoties and Laura I must say that you are pretty damn hot sorry bout never being able to go to the movies wit ya we will soon like this week sometime lmfao all chillin in your car for like 3 hours when were supposed to be pushing the carts fuckin ghetto ride lmfao get some fuckin spinners on that bitch, Brian lmfao fuckin 45 year old pimp lmfao all hittin on that girl at taco bell lol my fellow worker I must say you are loads of fun to work with

Spring break is finally here I'm so happy I cant wait to get the fuck outta here and get to Steves house on Sunday lmfao me and Steve finally hangin out again and both of us with clean slates to get in trouble with ohhhhh boyyyyyyyyy i sence some hell rising lol all the hoessss they comeee to usssss nowwwwwww pleasssssssssseeeeeeeee gettin ten pounds of drinks and be like skkkkkkkrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeetttttt pull a little drinky drinky ohhhhhh cant waitttt and i'll be one rich motherfucker over the break to i'll have two checks to cash and i'll have more money than my ass will know what to do with LMMMMMMMMFAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOO I'M RICH I'M RICH I'VE GOT MYSELF A BITCH THAT CANT REALLY SCRATCH MY ITCH I'M RICH I'M RICH I'M REALLY REALLY RICH HAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAH LIFEEEEEEE IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

New Beginning

2004-03-28T03:38:20Z

Melanie Berent is the best person I have ever met in my life I dont know where I would be right now if I didnt meet her. I love her so much. I was really really doubtful at the beggining and so much shit was going on that I really doubted us. But now everything is just turning around and life is so great, I can finally breathe again. I'm so glad that everything played out the way it did and I'm so happy that I'm with Melanie, shes helped me through so much, got me out of that shit hole I dug myself into I've cleaned up my life I've quit everything that been messing me up and I've got a real job now and everything is settling down and falling into place. I just got my new green fender strat and its the sweetest thing ever on this planet and I'll be gettin my licences real soon I hope and then the world better watch out cuz we got a clean slate and HELLLLSS GONNNA RISE. Anyway its gettin late and I gotta work tommorow. Melanie I love you so much your the greatest thing thats ever happened to me never ever change babe cuz your perfect just the way you are

Say baby you been lookin' real good
I remember when we met
Funny how I never felt so good
It's a feelin' that I know
I know I'll never forget
Ooh this is the best time I can remember
Ooh and the love we share - is lovin' that'll last forever

There wasn't much in this heart of mine
There was a little left and babe you found it
Funny how I never felt so good
It's a feelin' that I know
I know I'll never forget
Ooh this is the best thing I can remember
Ooh and the love we share - is lovin' that'll last forever

I think about you
Honey all the time my heart says yes
I think about you
Deep inside I love you best
I think about you
You know you're the one I want
I think about you
Darlin' you're the only one
I think about you

Somethin' changed in this heart of mine
An I'm so glad that ya showed me
Honey now you're my best friend
I wanna stay together to the buryin'
Ooh this is the best time I can remember
Ooh and the love we share - is lovin' that'll last forever

WERE INTO SOMETHING THATS BIGGER THAN ALL OF US

2004-03-27T17:25:14Z

WHAT A SONG THIS IS I HEARD IT OVER MELANIES ONE TIME AND THIS SONG FUCKIN ROCKS SPEAKS TRUTH IN 23092384702938749023874092837 MILLION WAYS ALL SHALL READ AND AGREE HOW TRUE THIS SONG IS

I got my first real six string
Bought it at the five and dime
Played it til my fingers bled
Was the summer of '69

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Dave quit and Matt got married
I shoulda known we'd never get far
oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you - ya

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no...

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six string
I think about ya'n wonder what went wrong

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '69

Why is there sand in my potato salad

2004-03-20T15:37:46Z

Well this week has been pretty sweet worrying bout my damn test all week but I passed and got the job. I go on monday for my orientation my licence is so close I can smell it. Friday was a blast school was great all the way up to 5th hour when fuckin stupid bitch ass people (mentioning no names) were being there you usual stupid bitch ass selves. Amanda all stole Stacie's CD player and were all jamming to it while shes over there like who stole my CD player. Then she notices we have it and all comes over like shes are hard ass and grabs it and spins around jerking it trying to be all cool and the headphones whip around and hit her in the back of the head it was so damn funny cuz shes all trying to be hard grabbing the CD player and spinning around walking away and it wacks her in the back of the head me and Amanda were laughing so hard we could not stop. In second hour Mr. Corbin was reading the descriptive essays we wrote outloud to the class and Stephanies was so funny cuz she said nice like 2323498012347098127304912 million times and Mr. Corbin was making a big deal out of it it was so great.

Then after school Me Derek and Joe Rubino were all supposed to go meet Melanie and like 20 of her friends at the mall but then all our parents were being bitch asses so It ended up just being me and Melanie hanging out at her house. It was so crazy when my dad drove me over there, there was this huge water main break on 19 mile road the road were all flooded and shit it was crazy. Anyway it was so fun hanging out wit mel all day we all walked up to coney island at like 10 oclock at night and we all ate there then we were walking home through all these apartments and we walked out onto this like island thingy in the middle of that lake thats between her neighborhood and lakeside mall it was awesome we just chilled out there for like a half hour. It was so funny her little brother Timmy acts just like Stacie all running round trying to be a hard ass all the time I was crackin up cuz Melanie called him retarted and he got pissed and like tackled her to the ground and then Melanies mom came in and all lectured them for like 20 min and then sent Timmy to his room he all like slammed the door and made his basket ball thingy fall off and then hes all like stomping around in his room making these loud bangs, it was so funny I was like thats Stacie all the way, are you sure timmys not Stacies brother we were laughing so hard. Then we all let her dog out and we were standing outside for like 20 min then her mom came out and busted us making out, I felt so embarresed but I was like oh well that sucks. Then her mom gave me a ride home at like 12:30 and mel all kissed me and I was like is this legal your mom is like right there shes like she dont care. I was like oh cuz idk my mom would she would like freak out. I guess thats cuz my mom paranoid and shit idk but o well this weeks been so great and I cant wait to start my new job and get my licence and then everythings gonna be so kick ass I cant wait for summer

Every day I still say your dead and broken

2004-03-16T23:02:23Z

What do you see in the dark
When the demons come for you

If only you could have seen
How fucked up my life used to be
Then everything starts to change
Supposedly healing my pain
I never thought I’d feel this way
I never thought that I’d see a day
I’d run away from anything or anywhere or anyone
Its all these demons haunting me
Its all these little things trapped inside of me
And now I look through my minds eye
And see where my past needs to rest
Its always disturbed by these voices
That echo inside of my head
Another way that I can hide
Another reason to crawl inside and get away
From everything and everywhere and everyone
No!
Its all these demons haunting me
Its all these little things trapped inside of me
Releasing me from all my sin

Its taken me all my anger
And taken me all of my hate
To learn how my life came together
Releasing the demons......again

Facin the days as I grow into my own
Loving and hatings the same
And three-fold I told you
It comes back with laughter
Over and over again
Its coming back

Everythings straight out of line

2004-03-16T22:48:43Z

There’s no reason, there’s no compromise
Change in seasons, living the high life
I don’t know you so don’t freak on me
I can’t control you, you’re not my destiny

Straight out of line
I can’t find a reason why I should justify my ways
Straight out of line
I don’t need a reason, you don’t need to lie to me

I’ll confess this: you’re my tragedy
I laid you to rest just as fast as you turned on me
Gone forever, banished the memories
Displays of pleasure are masked by your misery

Straight out of line
I can’t find a reason why I should justify my ways
Straight out of line
I don’t need a reason, you don’t need to lie to me
Lie to me

Straight out of line
I can’t find a reason why I should justify my ways
Straight out of line
I don’t need a reason, you don’t need to
Don’t need to lie to me
Lie to me
Lie to me
Lie to me

COME ON GUYS WAKE UP THIS LIFE AINT THAT BAD THIS AINT DIEING THIS IS LIVING

2004-03-15T23:58:45Z

HMMMMMM lots and lots to talk about here I really hope that you'll take the time to read this entire thing cuz theres alot here to be said and please comment. Anyway ever since me and stace went to the shitter. Everybody and everything got really really weird. I mean I love the way things are now I mean as far as I feel, cuz like I havent been down in so long. Its like this huge burden is off my chest and I'm cleaning up my life to I've quit everything thats messing me up and its so great. But now everybody seems so like depressed and stuff like and idk all these people like all messed up. I've met so many new people and started hanging out with people that are so awesome like Amanda Brodzkinski. She is lik the sweetest person in the world, and like shes so deep and I just dont understand why shes does some of the things she does.

These convos like really puzzled me and some even hurt, they made me think alot about myself... i really dont understand

ME AND AMANDA

ME AND BEN WILSON
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (5:58:59 PM): what were you talking about before
nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:01:21 PM): idk
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:01:28 PM): your like i'm werid about shit though

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:03:23 PM): idk your jus toff the wall sometimes and it throws ppl off

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:03:45 PM): huh
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:03:49 PM): explain people

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:04:01 PM): every1

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:04:21 PM): what do you mean explain

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:05:17 PM): ikd like me for example

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:05:43 PM): no like what do you mean like i'm off the wall and i throw people off

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:06:15 PM): your mad crazy 24/7 and it turns out that your not the retard i thought u were

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:06:21 PM): huh
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:06:38 PM): what do you mean

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:06:56 PM): suffice to say your more than ben expected

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:07:09 PM): lol how am i more

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:07:29 PM): your not stupid, you just don;t care

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:07:58 PM): is that a bad thing

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:10:34 PM): no, your just you, i used to think that you wasted your time looking for attetion, it's hard to understand that you like to be a jerk, but i can respect it

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:11:05 PM): lol so you thought i did what i did for attention

nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:11:56 PM): chhh you can;t judge a book by it's cover tho you
nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:11:57 PM): yo
nLUV wMANDAS mom (6:11:59 PM): **

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:12:19 PM): idk

Then i showed this convo of me and Ben to amanda and shes like

ourlonelysecrets (6:13:48 PM): lol
ourlonelysecrets (6:13:52 PM): i know what hes sayin thou
ourlonelysecrets (6:14:07 PM): i remember when i met you i was like wow....he just needs to stop that
ourlonelysecrets (6:14:41 PM): and now like, after ive talked to you and stuff
and ur not just this loud kid
ur a person
with these deep thoughts
so its not the same

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:15:21 PM): so like i'm really kinda confused like is this a bad thing or a good thing

ourlonelysecrets (6:15:34 PM): its not a bad thing..
ourlonelysecrets (6:15:38 PM): its just that...
ourlonelysecrets (6:15:45 PM): u sorta put up this cover
ourlonelysecrets (6:15:51 PM): and no one really understands it
ourlonelysecrets (6:15:55 PM): unless they get to know tou
ourlonelysecrets (6:15:57 PM): you&&
ourlonelysecrets (6:15:58 PM): **

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:16:06 PM): LOL
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:16:07 PM): THAT SUCK S

ourlonelysecrets (6:16:12 PM): i know...

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:16:16 PM): not relaly
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:16:20 PM): cuz i love the way i am

ourlonelysecrets (6:16:23 PM): well at least ive figured it out....
ourlonelysecrets (6:16:32 PM): stop that start typing thing!!!

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:16:57 PM): i dont like understand what you mean by i put up a cover

ourlonelysecrets (6:17:12 PM): okay...
ourlonelysecrets (6:17:12 PM): uh
ourlonelysecrets (6:17:14 PM): let me thin k

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:22:01 PM): ??

ourlonelysecrets (6:22:25 PM): im thinking !

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:22:35 PM): well hurry i'm gettin impatient

ourlonelysecrets (6:22:58 PM): okay...the way you act, isnt intirely how you are

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:23:16 PM): yeah it is
ourlonelysecrets (6:23:26 PM): no....its not
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:23:32 PM): how do you figure

ourlonelysecrets (6:23:43 PM): okay...the way i thought it...
ourlonelysecrets (6:26:10 PM): when i met you, i just thought you were this kid who ran out of ritalin and was just all crazy on people. maybe b/c sumthing had happened to you.
but now its like, your not just that kid.
you have all these thoughts.
and like...its like
i dunno what to say

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (6:27:00 PM): lol

Then me and andrew were talking and this one really hurt me even though I sound like a total jerk in it it really did hurt

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:24:20 PM): why are you such a jerk lately?

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:24:27 PM): i'm not
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:24:32 PM): u said dont talk to me so i said ok

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:24:33 PM): you were alot nicer to me when you liked stacie, you were alot nicer to ALOT of people

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:24:44 PM): yeah well that sucks dont it

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:24:50 PM): now it's like, you dont care and whatever
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:24:56 PM): exactly, like that
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:25:00 PM): i'm not saying to like stacie again..

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:25:01 PM): thats cuz i dont

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:25:10 PM): i didn't say you did
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:25:16 PM): i'm just saying you seemed alot nicer before

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:25:37 PM): yeah alot of people say that
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:25:43 PM): i told you i was gonna change

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:25:45 PM): maybe it wasn't because of stacie
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:25:56 PM): yeah so you cahnge into a jerk?

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:26:07 PM): well if thats what you think i am i guess so

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:26:19 PM): well yer sure acting like it

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:26:28 PM): o

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:26:45 PM): just like that whole lj thing or w/e when you were like i got my head up stacie's n stephanie's ass

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:26:58 PM): well that was before

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:27:10 PM): but u do kinda sorry no offense or nothing but you do

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:12 PM): that was after you stopped liking stacie or whatever
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:19 PM): no, i dont
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:22 PM): i dont see how
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:32 PM): yer gonna tell me, if stacie says jump, i say how high?

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:27:40 PM): prolly

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:44 PM): no, not me sorry
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:51 PM): not really
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:56 PM): i dont fucking let people tell me what to do
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:27:59 PM): i'm just not rude

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:28:12 PM): well whenever i'm around and shit your bitching about how bad they treat you and how much i bothers you
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:28:19 PM): but then when were around them

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:28:24 PM): YOU DID THE SAME DAMN THING!!!!!

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:28:25 PM): your all so nice to them and like kissing there ass
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:28:27 PM): i did
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:28:29 PM): but i'm not like you

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:28:37 PM): yer really acting stupid

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:28:44 PM): i said shit straight to there face

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:28:49 PM): EXACTLY
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:28:52 PM): I'M NOT RUDE!!!
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:28:57 PM): i dont do it to you
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:28:58 PM): or anybody else

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:29:06 PM): ok

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:07 PM): so you gonna sit here and say i have my head so far up YOUR ass to?

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:29:11 PM): no

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:14 PM): okay then

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:29:23 PM): u dont say shit behind my back
MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:29:26 PM): well i hope you don

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:27 PM): i treat you and steph and stacie and all of my friends the same

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:29:27 PM): t

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:29 PM): i dont
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:34 PM): i just say yer funny
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:35 PM): that's about it
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:38 PM): like yesterday
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:41 PM): me and stephanie
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:45 PM): were talking like you around stacie
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:47 PM): you know like
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:51 PM): exshcuse me shir
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:29:53 PM): that shit
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:30:05 PM): and stacie was getting mad, but did I stop? noo b/c i dont have my head up her ass

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:30:19 PM): ok

d0y0ufee1c001 (1:30:23 PM): well she wasn't get mad, but she was telling us to shut the fuck up b/c we were being stupid
d0y0ufee1c001 (1:30:33 PM): yeah exactly justin, so get yer story straight.

MaRooNeDsoUl453 (1:30:36 PM): ok

Then there all these LJ entries that really threw me

this is from amanda brodzinski's journal

i have this tight feeling in my chest
and it hurts to breathe
i dont know whats going thru me
id oiansdkldsal;kdf
i need to sit and talk with sumone soon
and have one of those emotional sheads
shead off my emotional skin
cry it out
just sit and cry and talk
i actually wanted to sit with justin and talk and cry
he listens
he doesnt betray me or not believe me
or judge me
but i dont seem to even be alone with him just to do that....

other people repling to this entry

loserstimpy69
2004-02-29 20:05 (link)
yeah stanley's the best. I think he's the only person who's ever understood me. and the only person who's ever accepted me completely. But that was back when we used to talk every night for like 3 hours.
oh well, shit happens.
i heart you
(Reply to this) (Thread)

princessminga
2004-03-01 12:31 (link)
i know what u mean way to much....

This is from Stacie Bowdens LJ

ever since everything with me and justin and everything else i started smoking, and ive become more pushy and violent and i hate this because its not how i want to be..

Now I sit back and think about everything that is going on right now, all these people so depressed and, I cant stand to sit back and watch all my friends go down like this it hurts so bad cuz I can honeslty say alot of it is my fault I've had such a huge impact on so many people its amazing and to tell you the truth I didnt even realize I was doing it. So many people are so depressed and everybodys fighting and its just so much chaos and its like wow and its like I'm the cause. I mean I usually think everythings funny but seriously and it makes me so sad that whenever i'm having fun everybody else is always down. Amanda cuts herself and it hurts so bad cuz I know I havent know her for that long but I consider her one of my closest friends and I wanna help her so bad but I just dont know what to do. And stacie, even though we hate each other now reading her LJ really made me feel down cuz I've been down that road and I would hate to see Stacie go down the same road I went down I would be way more than she could handle, I just wish she would listen to me when I say that its not a good thing but idk guys all I really can say to help you is dont care that much high school will be all over in 4 years but in the mean time you gotta make the best of it COME ON GUYS WE CAN BEAT THIS
When I think about my life
I wonder if I will survive to live to see 25 or will I just fall?
Like all my friends they just keep dying
People round me always crying
In this place that I like to call my home

Not everybody knows that everybody goes to a better place
Not everybody knows that everybody could be living their last days
But the hard times will come and we'll keep movin' on
We're moving up
Keep movin' on

Life. Hope. Truth. Trust.
Faith. Pride. Love. Lust.

On without the things we've lost
The things we gained we'll take with us

And allI've got are these two hands to make myself a better man
I wonder if I'll ever see the end of this
With all this rain it just keeps falling
On my head and now I'm calling
Out to someone else to help me make it through

Not everybody knows that everybody goes to a better place
Not everybody knows that everybody could be living their last days
But the hard time will come and we'll keep movin' on
We're movin'up
Keep movin' on

Life. Hope. Truth. Trust.
Faith. Pride. Love. Lust.
Pain. Hate. Lies. Guilt.
Laugh. Cry. Live. Die.

Some friends become enemies
Some friends become your family
Make the best with what your given
THIS AINT DIEING
THIS IS LIVING

THE LAST THING I GOT TO SAY IS THAT I MAY NOT ACT LIKE IT ALL THE TIME BUT I LOVE ALL OF MY FRIENDS DEARLY AND IT WOULD KILL ME TO LOSE ONE OF YOU

"We made the same mistakes, but latley i'm feeling I dont give a shit"

2004-03-08T22:10:15Z

Well today was awesommmmee day except I was so tired I slept like my entire 4th hour. Well as it turns out all I had to do was turn in a few assignments to get my grade up so now I'm not failing any more thank God, my moms off my back and life seems to have cooled down everybody seems to be cool, and its like I've got control of my life again and its great. Oh well when Steve gets out then life is gonna be great, crazy as ever WERE BACKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! did you miss us. I'll never forget her though as much as we hate each other I'll never forget her but oh well thats growing up. Anyway yeah me and Melanie are prolly gonna go to the mall on friday and I'm gonna get a "Taking Back Sunday" shirt cuz they rock then I'll prolly take her out to eat cuz I love her. Then I dont know whats going on all I know is that

ITS SO GREAT TO BE ALIVE AGAIN AND BAMMMMMMMMMM NOTHINGS ON MY BACK

WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA WHAT HAPPENED HERE

2004-03-07T03:09:33Z

Wow after 7 months its finally over. It kinda sucks that we went out like this but oh well its growing up. Today I stopped and looked back on everything that I let pass me by during those 7 months and every thing thats happened that didnt seem all that important to me. So much has happened and I didnt even realize it. My parents are still fucked up fighting and shit, Steve got shipped off to juvy a few days ago that really finally hit me today that Steves gone now and wow its like what happened to us I mean it seems like just yesteryday me and Steve were little kids again building sand castles on the beach and rubbing dandielions on our arms cuz they turned them yellow. What memories....... what happened to those days I dont know about you but I know I miss them. I'm also failing two of my classes. I dont think thats ever happened to me before, but its cool cuz I did all the work just never turned it in.

Now all I wanna do is move on. I can honestly say that I really, really do feel for Melanie and its gonna suck because even though we do like each other alot everybodys gonna be ragging us ever step of the way because of everything me and Stacie have been through. All I want is to move on off all this stuff and pick up my life and put it back together and then maybe me and mel can have a great realtionship togther I hope so. The only thing that really really sucks is that everybodys just gonna think i'm doing this to try and make stacie jealous but thats a load of bullshit

Ohhhhhhhhh well life goes on

"Latley I'm feeling I dont give a shit"

2004-03-05T21:42:25Z

Yeah life is sweet. My journals looking pretty P-I-M-P now thanks to Steph "Obsessed with Booners" Bowden master artist, thanks Steph you rock. Finally after 823459823740987120948712390 years of waiting i got my new ampppppp yeahhhhh fuckin 75 WATT MARSHALL VALVESTATE V65SR, COMPLETE WITH CLEAN AND OVERDRIVE CHANNELS, HEADPHONE IMPUTS, AND EFFECTS LOOP all in all this is the sweetest fucking thing I've ever owened. Lets see whats new not that much just everybody being stupid latley. Stacie gets more and more retared every time I'm near her she pisses me off so fuckin much its not even funny I cant belive I ever liked that girl ahhhh whatever. Oh man I'm failing geometry now all because I didnt turn any of my fuckin assignements in its retarted o well I turned a bunch in today so that should help my grade some. Oh man it was so funny in my 6th hour today there was this really big black kid and he like tried to steal my agenda and I saw him so I like grabbed it back and like hit him with amandas umbrella it was so funny then I started like picking on him I was like hitting him in the head with the umbrella like 20 times until finally he got pissed and was like hit me one more time and i'm gonna kick your ass so I run around the side of the desk and like poked him with it and I guess I got him in the eye and he all grabs the umbrella and I like run across the room he like comes after me I'm like Mr. Corbin stop him get him he like pushes me hes like bitch what the fucks your problem I'm all like crackin up and I'm like love and peace love and peace and all tryin to hug him it was so funny. So yeah uh its like 5:00 right now and I'm bout to go to the movies so yeah I'll write bout that when I get back